The Points & Their Inner Lines

Read this image from bottom left to top right. The red dot and arrow at the bottom represent “now.” The Enneagram attempts to show the character of different “nows” .

Through all three stages of the relationship process, the participants are also the chefs. This means that the way we view the events of our lives together changes drastically at different stages of the process. The meaning we create from our experiences, the feelings we attach to them, will change radically as the momentum of time’s wheel, the imperatives of personal growth and the invisible force of intention move us through the process of growth and change that is a committed relationship. Some of this is involuntary or passive: each point on the circle has a particular “flavor” or “color” that is expressed by the inner lines. But the inner lines can also be used actively, to enhance your vision of possibilities to come and your understanding of things that have happened.

It’s hardly surprising, given the complexity of the process, that people find it much harder to consummate a loving relationship, to find fulfillment within it, than to cook an adequate meal. Each point in the process is experienced as being almost completely different from the one before, so that it’s often hard to connect one part of the process with another. Successfully moving forward in the relationship involves experiencing it on multiple dimensions simultaneously. None of this is automatic or easy. Let’s see if we can make the flow of events smoother by looking a little more deeply into the external and internal factors that are present at each point on the Enneagram of personal relationships.

Exercise 6: Personal History