Point 2: Authenticity

Reflection vs. recognition

Authenticity: Reflection and Recognition

If they break up, lovers often say “I can’t go on seeing you.” When people fall in love, it could be because they recognize something deep within each other’s nature. On the other hand, romance can merely be a temporary agreement to give each other a beautiful but superficial reflection, to gloss over each other’s faults and magnify each other’s good points. Two people can function for each other like the mirror of Snow White’s mother, which each day confirmed that she was the fairest beauty in all the land. Eventually, however, just as Snow White’s mother’s mirror did, we tend to find another one fairest.

When you look at someone with whom you have fallen in love, what do you see? A reflection of your ideal self, or someone who embodies hidden aspects of your ideal? Romance can be a matter of two people finding that they both give each other a positive reflection at the same time. This is sufficiently rare that many people feel that it’s enough of a foundation to build a relationship on. But positive reflections are only half of a polarity. If you depend on being in the positive pole you are at risk for falling into the negative pole. True love is beyond polarity, as the Enneagram will show us in the third phase of the relationship process.